That’s Some Deep Sh*t, Man

This being my final blog post, at least until I am wealthy, famous, and interesting enough for people to read everyday, I decided to reflect upon my past posts, pull out the highlights as sort of a Shaz Bagl Hall of Fame, and reflect upon the semester through my own writings. Overall, as I scan through my posts, it would seem this semester, at least as far Boston sports go, was a disaster on par with Dane Cook’s film career.  However, it is always a pleasant reminder to know that I, as Jimmy Fallon says in the legendary film Fever Pitch, “can believe in something bigger than me”.  Sports, like no other part of my life, can so greatly affect my emotions, without my ever having affected sports.  It is nice to know that there is something in this life that is not my responsibility that I can take pride from, even when my teams are bad.  Almost undoubtedly, with every new season in the climate, there is a new season for one of my teams, and I will always have that to cling to.  With that, I give you the  Shaz Bagl Hall of Fame of Quotations Ranging from Mildly Humorous to Splendidly Transcendent…(still awaiting news on the trademarking of that title)

“The moral of the story is if you come into Camp Randall and you’re rooting against the Badgers, the 40,000 people wearing red probably don’t want to be your friend, so don’t piss them off and don’t be stupid.  Go Badgers.” – Sept 27, “Funny Story from Gameday”

“However, recent history aside, I’ll hang on to my unwavering optimism and confidence that seem to make every other team’s fans hate me and my comrades.” – Oct. 7, “MLB Playoffs”

“Watching this game was like watching a 12 year old play their mom in Madden on Xbox; the only exception being we couldn’t hear the derisive and offensive trash talk between the Titans and Pats.  I mean 59 to nothing? The Globetrotters have never beaten the Generals so soundly.” – Oct. 19, “59-0”

“How can Yankee fans even celebrate their team winning when they outspend every team in the league by millions of dollars?  I don’t cheer when my garage door opens, because it is supposed to, because that is what I paid for.  However, I will freak out when my garage door doesn’t open though, because that is an utter failure.” – Nov. 3, “I Hate the Yankees”

“Congratulations New York, looks like you’re absurdly expensive garage door opener is finally working for the first time this decade.” – Nov. 3, “I Hate the Yankees”

“When a team has a clear advantage over all others, than anything less than a championship is an outright failure at all levels. And when anything less than a championship is a failure, Yankee fans aren’t rooting for their team to win, they can simply only root for their team not to lose, and there is a big difference between those two things.  Personally, I don’t ever want to be in that position.” – Nov. 10, “Yankees, contd.”

“The fact of the matter is Belichick is the greatest coach of all time.  You think Albert Einstein never made a mistake? I’m sure he did and when he did nobody started screaming that E does not equal MC squared.” – Nov. 18, “Fourth and Go Screw Yourself”

“I’ve come to believe however, that just as Rome’s fall came after its ultimate zenith of power so is Boston’s.” – Dec. 2, “The End of the Greatest Decade Ever?”

“Is this how 10 years of Boston dominance ends, actually with a bang, not a whimper?” – Dec. 2, “The End of the Greatest Decade Ever?”

“It all doesn’t matter though, because if [Tiger] goes out there and wins 3 more majors next year all will be forgiven faster than you can say Elin Nordegren.” – Dec. 11, “End of an Era?…I was right”

“Sports, like no other part of my life, can so greatly affect my emotions, without my ever having affected sports.” – Dec. 14, “That’s Some Deep Sh*t Man”

Now that is some deep sh*t, man.

End of an Era?… I was right

Hard to believe I wrote that the Patriots as we’ve come to know them are dead and gone BEFORE that disaster in Miami.  Anyways, I’m still not giving up on them; they still have the smartest coach of all time and Brady still doesn’t look like himself, if those guys can’t get this thing back on track then no one can.  However, the biggest train wreck of the week, nay month, nay year, nay decade?, has to be Tiger Woods.  What the hell is going on with this guy?  For one, I can understand him cheating on his wife, it isn’t like we haven’t seen a million other successful gazillionaire celebrities fall into temptation and weathered the PR storm to come out on top, i.e. Kobe Bryant.  The issue here is the cleanup effort, Tiger, hiding in your compound for days on end and never addressing anything does not make this stuff go away.  Also, the text conversations he had with that VH1 Tool Academy moron are nauseating, since when does the best athlete on the planet need to incorporate winky faces and ‘jk lol’s in his text messages, YOU’RE FREAKING TIGER WOODS.  It all doesn’t matter though, because if he goes out there and wins 3 more majors next year all will be forgiven faster than you can say Elin Nordegren.

The End of the Greatest Decade Ever?

On Monday, still in the haze of the aftermath of the Saints’ destruction of my beloved Patriots I came to a realization…did this past Sunday mark the end of maybe the greatest sports decade any region has ever enjoyed? Is this how 10 years of Boston dominance ends, actually with a bang not a whimper?  I submit yes, the decade of Boston, the 00’s or the Oughts or however we are going to refer to the first 10 years of this century, are very nearly over on the calendar and so is our reign coming to a close.  I’m not saying the Patriots won’t win the Superbowl this year, we’ve all seen stranger things happening, hell the Cardinals looked 10x worse in Week 14 against the Pats towards the end of last season and made the Superbowl.  I’m also not saying the Celtics, recently slumping but returning to form with 5 straight victories, aren’t the best team in the league.  What I am saying is that as a fan, one of supreme confidence and bravado, my confidence has been shaken.  There was a 3 year period (07,08,09) where I felt every one of my teams would pull out every close game, make every right decision, and at least come close to a championship.  I’ve come to believe however, that just as Rome’s fall came after its ultimate zenith of power so is Boston’s.  We have yet to relinquish the role of Titletown, nor will we until another city establishes the dominance that comes with 3 Superbowls, 2 World Series, and 1 NBA Championship, but I can assure everyone, even when we are no longer on top, we’ll always have the best fans in the world and we will reoccupy our position at the top very soon.

Fourth and Go Screw Yourself

‘Fourth and Go Screw Yourself’ — that is what Bill Belichick has to say to every single critic who doesn’t know a damn thing about football and are tossing ignorance-grenades at the genius coach after his decision to go for it on fourth down against the Indianapolis PeytonMannings.  Look, the traditional coach would have punted there, sure, but Belichick is the only coach with cajones to say “I don’t care if the media kills me, this is my best chance to win the game, with the best offense in the game having only to gain two yards.”  Let’s not even go over the fact that Kevin Faulk did indeed have possession past the first down marker, because it was a really tough call.  The fact of the matter is Belichick is the greatest coach of all time.  You think Albert Einstein never made a mistake? I’m sure he did and when he did nobody started screaming that E does not equal MC squared.  Give the guy a break, he made the right call, there are papers and reports all over the place screaming that teams punt WAY too often.  Oh, and what the media has to say about Bill doesn’t really matter, all of the hate gets deflected off his 4 Superbowl rings. Speaking for all Patriots fans out there, Bill, we’ve got your back.

P.S. I realize this is maybe the least original viewpoint/blog post I could have created, but it is what it is.

Yankees, contd.

I wrote a blog post before the Yankees completed their World Series victory about how much I hate the Yankees, why I hate them, and how they buy championships.  The night they finally won the series was a rough night for, all the way through the game I was walking around my apartment swearing and punching things, every time I heard “Empire State of Mind” blaring from 614 Langdon I thought I was going to jump off my balcony.  However, only about 10 minutes after the Yankees had been crowned champions did I come to a stunning realization, and finally serenity came to me.  I pity Yankee fans,I feel bad for them.  As a Patriots and Celtics fan, when my teams dominate they do it on a level playing field, everyone has the same opportunity to compete, just those two franchises are superior.  In baseball however, there is no salary cap, and the Yankees spend the most money and therefore should win every year.  My previous blog post began circulating Facebook, Boston fans heralded me and Yankee fans wanted to fight me, but my only retort was this bit of knowledge that I’m actually rather proud of writing.

When a team has a clear advantage over all others, than anything less than a championship is an outright failure at all levels. And when anything less than a championship is a failure, Yankee fans aren’t rooting for their team to win, they can simply only root for their team not to lose, and there is a big difference between those two things.  Personally, I don’t ever want to be in that position.

I Hate the Yankees

I hate the Yankees.  So much.  How can Yankee fans even celebrate their team winning when they outspend every team in the league by millions of dollars?  I don’t cheer when my garage door opens, because it is supposed to, because that is what I paid for.  However, I will freak out when my garage door doesn’t open though, because that is an utter failure.  Basically what I’m saying is Yankee fans have no reason to cheer, ever,  because if the Yankees win it is only because they are supposed to and the only thing worthy of paying any attention to is their massive failure in the years they don’t win it all. There is nothing inspiring at all about the Yankees and I have absolutely zero respect for a team that has no desire or talent when it comes to building a baseball team without having to outspend everyone else and use money to cover up all their dumb moves. For now I’ll take pride in my Celtics and Patriots who manage to win on the same level playing field as every other team in their respective leagues.  Congratulations New York, looks like you’re absurdly expensive garage door opener is finally working for the first time this decade.

59-0

So it feels like it is just very easy to write about my weekends for blog posts.  Anyways, highlight of the weekend had to be the Patriots handing out a massive beatdown to the Tennessee Titans.  Watching this game was like watching a 12 year old play their mom in Madden on Xbox; the only exception being we couldn’t hear the derisive and offensive trash talk between the Titans and Pats.  I mean 59 to nothing? The Globetrotters have never beaten the Generals so soundly. Also, I don’t want to hear about how this doesn’t prove the Patriots are still the most talented team in the league when they play up to their potential.  For one, Brady came out with 7 minutes left in the 3rd quarter, he easily could’ve thrown 2 or 3 more TD’s and the Pats definitely could’ve hit 70 points if they wanted to.  Regardless of how pathetic the Titans are, they are still an NFL team, and it doesn’t matter how bad your opponent is, a 59 point win is reserved for very, very good teams. Other than that  there isn’t much to talk about, the Badgers are still a bigger disappointment than Duval Patrick as Massachusetts’s governor, Bret Bielema still has a job, and the Yankees are still on pace to buy their 27th championship (Question: If you buy a championship does it come with a receipt?).

The End of the World

So this weekend was maybe the worst weekend ever and I don’t want to write too much about it.  Saturday, the Badgers embarrassed all of us on national television by reverting back to every fatal flaw that made them terrible last season (poor tackling, dropped passes, inability to protect the passer and deal with pressure, terrible special teams, dumb penalties.) How Bret Bielema is still the head coach of this team is beyond me; he doubles as the special teams coach and that is the worst aspect of this team.  Today, the Red Sox got eliminated from the playoffs in their typical soul torturing fashion and the Patriots lost a game that they should have won.  If I didn’t have 3 tests coming up there is no telling the damage I could have inflicted upon my brain cell total tonight.

MLB Playoffs

Things are, at the very least, exciting for Boston sports fans right now.  The Patriots are starting to regain their championship swagger and Tom Brady looks more comfortable in the pocket with every snap he takes, the Bruins are starting off their defense of an Eastern Conference regular season championship, the Celtics kick things off in a couple of weeks against LeBron in Cleveland on the NBA’s opening night, and finally, the Boston Red Sox play their first 2009 postseason game on Thursday.

The team of the decade will once again take on the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (most ridiculous team name in sports) who they have abused over the years as if they were Chris Brown and the Angels Rihanna.  The Sox have won 12 of their last 13 playoff games vs. the Angels and have beaten them in 3 playoff series this decade.  Safe to say I’m pretty confident things will go smoothly once again.  Regardless of what the Angels record was vs. the Sox in the regular season, when it comes to the postseason, the Red Sox know, don’t think, that they will beat the Angels and when the Red Sox play with that type of “Do you know who the hell we are? ” swagger they can’t be beat.  Earlier this season the Sox had that swagger over the Yankees when they won the first eight regular season matchups, but somehow they got their mojo stolen and turned into the UW Club team for the second portion of Sox-Yanks games, the UW Club frisbee team that is.  However, recent history aside, I’ll hang on to my unwavering optimism and confidence that seem to make every other team’s fans hate me and my comrades.  The Sox are going to beat the Angels in 4 games.  They will then proceed to beat the Yankees in Game 7 on that ridiculous little league field in the center of Yankee Stadium (the second biggest pro sports F-U to the recession behind Jerry Jones’ abomination of a stadium in Dallas).  Alex Rodriguez will bat .192 in the series.

P.S. C.C. Sabathia is fat… go ahead Yankee fans, I feed off your bitterness

Funny Story from Gameday

I don’t consider myself a mean person.  In fact, I’d consider myself to be a moderately nice person, so to anyone who knows me well this story of how I made a Michigan State girl cry at the football game will be fairly surprising.  Saturday started up as they usually do with a pre-game at my fraternity’s house and everyone was feeling a little more energy than usual with Sparty coming to town.  I entered Camp Randall with six or seven of my Sammy brothers and we made our way to some awesome seats in section M, about halfway up.  I vividly remember remarking about how much I liked our seats…until two drunken obnoxious Michigan State fans lead by the Benedict Arnold of Badger fans moved right into our section and complained that we were in their seats (anyone who has ever been to a game knows there is no such thing as “your seats” in the student section).  After multiple chants in which the crowd called these two fans a certain type of hole and a whole lot of trash talking we were fired up.  This when a random girl from Michigan State, who did not even know the two morons sitting next to me came and squeezed herself in on my left side.  Some barbs were exchanged about each other’s schools with her insulting our student section and me insulting MSU’s lack of academic integrity.  It became overwhelmingly apparent that this girl was both drunk and very stupid, culminating with her retorting to a “Scoreboard, Scoreboard” chant with a rebuttal of “we are only down 1”. Myself and friend remarked that they were down 7 and that she didn’t know anything about football. Right after this Wisconsin scored a touchdown and whilst celebrating I started screaming “We’re up 2! We’re up 2!” at which point Mrs. Meltdown starting screaming at me for being mean to her to which I responded with rather loudly “I don’t care! I don’t care! I do not care!”.  It was at this point that our emotionally unstable friend ran to another section not far away and started crying  complaining about the “a-hole” standing next to her.  I did feel a spark of guilt but that was almost completely relieved when our section began cheering and patting me on the back.  The moral of the story is if you come into Camp Randall and you’re rooting against the Badgers, the 40,000 people wearing red probably don’t want to be your friend, so don’t piss them off and don’t be stupid.  Go Badgers.